Ishmal's story

Five-year-old Ishmal* was referred to The Place2Be by his teacher because she was concerned about his poor social skills and inability to get on with his peer group.

Without exception, everyone who talked about Ishmal described him as very bright academically. When I saw him for his assessment, he seemed eager to please but in some way disengaged. By this, I mean he seemed keen to do the right thing but somehow I had a sense that my response to this didn't really matter to him. What he seemed to want to demonstrate more than anything was his ability to get things right.

When I spoke to his parents about the referral to The Place2Be I found I had to overcome quite a hurdle in terms of their assumption that there must be something ‘wrong' with their son if the school felt he needed some extra help - that in some way he was a failure. Ishmal's parents repeatedly told me how very bright he was. They were clearly proud of his achievements but it seemed as if they had some difficulty in accepting that his problems with making friends and interacting with his classmates, other than in a learning way, was something he might need help with.

There is a great amount of attention spent on Ishmal at home, so long as it always has a learning outcome. He and his dad play shopkeepers but if Ishmal incorrectly works out the change he has left from buying various toys, he is punished. He has many after-school activities but is expected to excel in all of them because failure in his father's eyes is unacceptable.

Ishmal's time at The Place2Be emphasised the value of ‘free' play. In the early sessions, Ishmal's play was very much performance-based as he put things into order; arranging them by colour, size, or number. By the end of the work his play was free and creative, as he proudly splattered paints and glitter.

As the work comes to and end, I can clearly see that Ishmal has a much better sense of who he is, rather than what he can do. In The Place2Be room he could get things wrong without judgment or punishment. With his counsellor offering unconditional affirming encouragement and positive regard, this experience has shown him that he's acceptable and loveable just by being himself. Having been a boy nobody wanted to play with, Ishmal now has a small group of friends who enjoy including him in their activities.